Chasing Rainbows & Turning Kaydenese

BBT

2008-10-16T13:13:06Z

97.22

Summer

2007-08-01T16:16:44Z

Summer is slipping away so fast, it seems! At least I have another month to look forward to, and then Autumn which is my favorite season. =)

It is Kayden's LAST day at Lincoln Child Care Center. I decided to pull her out mainly because they have been watching so much TV over there, this summer. I would like her to go to another preschool in the fall, hopefully I will find a good place that actually has openings.

The cats are all seemingly doing great, BUT when we took the kittens to the vet we were told that Habibo has a heart murmur. It was rated a 6 on a scale 1-6 scale for loudness, so it is possibly pretty severe. :( Randy is gunna take him to the animal cardiologist to have tests done to find out the cause and then we'll figure out what to do from there..

Other than that, things are going OK. I am just passing the time right now.

Hopefully we will go out to lunch soon and then see the Simpson's movie...

Also: I WANT TO GO CAMPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snowy and Habibo

2007-07-10T18:07:43Z

Snowy and Habibo
Originally uploaded by satanzcarebear.

These are our 2 new kittens, Snowy and Habibo. We got them 3 days ago and they are best buds. They are a lot of fun but our other cat doesn't like them yet.

Kayden's toothpaste

2007-06-20T02:11:57Z

Hehe,

A few weeks ago Randy got Kayden some Spongebob toothpaste. Since I despise Spongebob, I started teasing Kayden about it... I just go on and on saying "Spongebob toothpaste!??! Your kidding me!!! WHO GOT YOU THIS SPONGEBOB TOOTHPASTE!? How bout some regular toothpaste??" and usually pretend to hide it. Now every night and morning when we brush our teeth she reminds me that I need to tease her about it. It's a cute little ritual of ours, and I don't want to forget it so I am writing it here. :)

I freakin' love that girl. Tonight I sang songs and played with her hair as she was going to sleep and I didn't think she'd fall asleep very easily, but she did.

Kayden has daycare tomorrow and I'm looking forward to a day to myself (Randy is out of town) without having to worry about school or anything. I finished up my Spring class and now I can enjoy the rest of the summer in peace :D

I was so worried about our cat Taylor today. I just had a bad feeling because she was hanging out under my bed a lot and she usually hangs out on the floor in the open. Then this evening she started throwing up. :( She was throwing up little plastic string things. I had no idea where they came from, but after she threw up she went over to Kayden's graduation balloon. It has a weight on the end of it to hold the baloon down, and it's decorate with lots of those little plastic things. Taylor was biting them off and swallowing them. I think she has them all out of her system, and she's acting more like herself now, thank god.

My grandma made a comment about her getting fat and I was noticing the same thing. I'm not sure if she's really overweight or not , but she definately put on weight since I got her. She is an indoor cat and I'm worried she's not getting enough exercise and sometimes I wonder if she's content or if she's bored out of her mind. I try to entertain her though, and it helps that i'll be home a lot from now on.

I spend a lot of my time after Kayden goes to bed reading about cats and dogs. I kind of want to get a dog, but not sure. I really would like a kitten. Maybe I will volunteer at the Humaine Society because over the past couple months it seems like I am getting more and more interested in animals.

Brittany and Matt's Wedding

2007-06-11T23:00:45Z

Brittany and Matt's wedding was so beautiful...

The reception was awesome.

I ALMOST cried when Brittany made her speech and specially honored her grandma for all she has done for her, and her grandma had tears in her eyes and it was just so amazing.

I loved being Brittany's bridesmaid. Getting dressed up and getting my hair done and everything was so fun.

I was so incredibly proud of Kayden. She did a great job as a flower girl. Right before we were supposed to walk down the isle, she almost got slammed by the limo door! She was crying from that and I was worried she would cry down the isle but she calmed down just in time. Kayden and Shawn going down the isle was ADORABLE.

At the reception Kayden danced with everyone and was really enjoying herself! I was so freakin' proud of her the whole time.

I had the WORST HEADACHE EVER but it was still fun.

I enjoyed seeing people I haven't seen in so long...

car accident... we are OK :)

2007-06-09T00:14:40Z

Car Accident (day after)
Originally uploaded by satanzcarebear.

On the way home from the strawberry patch, we got in a car accident. My grandpa was pulling onto a road and didn't see a car coming and it smashed into the side of the car.

I was the one sitting on the side that got hit. I was reading my book and heard Randy scream, looked and saw that car coming at me. It was unbelieveably scary. About 1 second later it slammed into us and I was in a fit of tears clutching onto Kayden, who was also in a fit of tears.

One of my legs hurt to walk on, the other was bleeding a little. My arm was swelling up and my ear hurt. I had the worst headache. Kayden's head hurt too but after she calmed down she seemed perfectly fine. Randy hurt her back a little and my grandparents didn't get hurt. thank god.

Someone gave us a ride home and then we went to the E.R. and then we drove my grandparents home.

Everytime I think about that car hitting us, I start crying. I don't know what I would have done if anything serious would have happend. Damn I hate cars.

Yay, strawberry picking

2007-06-08T23:54:51Z

Strawberry fields forever
Originally uploaded by satanzcarebear.

On thursday we went to the fields to pick strawberries with my grandparents... Other than it being extremely hot out, we had a pretty good time and got LOTS and LOTS of berries. Me and Randy picked out the good ones and Kayden put them in her shirt and carried them across the fields to her box.

I had them on my pancakes this morning and they were delicious. But, unless we freeze them they will probably rot before we eat them all.. :P

Kayden's graduation

2007-06-08T23:43:05Z

Kayden's graduation
Originally uploaded by satanzcarebear.

Kayden had a little graduation ceremony at her preschool on tuesday night. She was a "Jr. Graduate". It was pretty cute. They sang a couple songs and each kid got a diploma and a balloon. Kayden sang along with the other kids for the songs, but when they did a dance she was looking around all confused, like "who are all these people and why are they here??"

She liked the cake and ice cream though, and got to play with her friends for a bit. Randy took a bunch of pictures of her with her teachers and then we took off. :)

Brittany's Party

2007-06-04T02:49:37Z

Brittany and Matt are getting married… and me and Kayden are going to be in the wedding next weekend! We are all really excited!

We went on a camping trip this weekend for Brittany’s bachelorette party. It was pretty fun…not your typical bachelorette party, but there was a nice atmosphere. Kayden came- Several kids were there and Kayden had such a fun time. We played kick ball, did karaoke, had a campfire, went swimming at the lake and just hang out. Brittany's cousin Tammy has a really nice camper/trailor and that's where we slept.

Kayden was so excited that she didn’t get to sleep until about Midnight, when she normally goes to bed at about 8:30. She was having so much fun! We couldn’t get Shawn (Brittany’s son) to sleep until 5AM (but he normally doesn’t go to bed till like 2AM anyway) and Kayden woke up for the day at 7:00AM. For the whole TWO hours when both kids were sleeping I could NOT sleep.

I didn’t drink very much but it was enough to get me drunk. I haven’t been drunk in like 4 years. Wow, it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. It was a fun experience but the not sleeping part of it sucked. I had to get out of bed to pee about 5 or 6 times in the night and my throat was so dry.

The next day I had a big headache and was really tired but I tried to enjoy myself the best I could at the lake. :)

I can’t believe the wedding is next week!

pisces_grrl @ 2007-05-07T10:18:00

2007-05-07T14:46:17Z

I guess my 6 month leave from LJ has come to a close, because I feel like leaving a little update.

I was so relieved to finish up the Winter Semester. It was a pretty tough semsester for me because I lacked motivation for being there and didn't really enjoy being at class at all. Randy helped me out a lot by watching Kayden when I needed to study, but it was hard just being alway from Kayden period. On top of that, I was having a lot of trouble sleeping and some days I would just lay in bed all day with a killer headache if I could get a way with it.

So glad those days seem to be behind me...

After school got out, we took a trip to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee. It was so refreshing. We invited my grandparents to come with us and i'm so glad they came. I like spending time with them, and Kayden adores them. I am glad for these memeories of another wonderful vacation.

Some of the things we did included hiking, white water rafting, sitting by a fire toasting marshmallows, picnics, swimming, climbing to the top of a waterfall and jumping on rocks on the river. While we were in the woods, Randy and I saw a baby bear. It ran across the trail we were on and climbed up the tree. It was scared. I was just amazed, it definately made our 2.7 mile up-hill hike worth it. :)

Now we are back, and Randy is now on the bus going to Chicago for her first class. I hope she likes it there... she is doing the Naturopathic Medicine program which I happen to think is super cool. I wish I could have came with her but I have a Spring class too. The second half of the summer will be fun...neither of us will have classes and we can just enjoy our time. We will probably go camping a lot, maybe go on another vacation... I can't wait...

Kayden is 3 1/2 years old now. I can't believe how fast she is growing up. She's such a sweet, happy kid. I am so glad to be blessed by her. I get teary sometimes because I miss my mom, sister, brother, dad... I wish Kayden could know them. Kayden says "Your family died... but then you got me!" with a smile, because she knows how happy she makes me.

In the past 6 months, we adopted a cat named Taylor. I love having her, and now I really want a kitten. I'm not sure if we will end up getting one or not, but hopefully we will. :)

pisces_grrl @ 2006-11-08T06:13:00

2006-11-08T14:13:34Z

Kayden still has a bad cough so she won't be able to go to her preschool. My grandparents are coming over to watch her during the day and then Randy is going to watch her in the evening. At least I can still go to school even though its going to be a loong day...

It is almost time to register for next semester classes. I was checking to see what times my classes are going to be offered and in the process I realized that one of the classes I need to take is not going to be offered next semester. It turns out that I SHOULD be taking that class THIS semester because I already have the prereqs for it done. I don't know HOW or WHY I could have not realized that. I was planning to graduate in May and start grad school in the fall. I don't know if that will be possible anymore, because now it looks like I won't have my B.S. until NEXT winter.

This sucks, but at the same time I am so confused about my life that I don't mind the setback. I was even considering taking a year off before starting grad school anyway...

As far as I can tell, ALL of my classes next semester are going to be 5:30-8:10. I would rather go to school during the day, but I will save a lot on day care costs because Randy will be able to watch Kayden in the evening. I am still planning on having Kayden go to preschool, but that will probably only be 2-3 times a week for a few hours during the day, as opposed to a full time care situation.

Other things

2006-11-08T13:56:36Z

100_2126 (Small)
Originally uploaded by satanzcarebear.

Kayden's birthday party was fun. It was just family + Brittany and Shawn. I wanted to keep it simple and not too stressful. Brittany ended up having to go to the Emergency Room due to a nut reaction. She is allergic to peanuts. Randy took her to the ER while I watched Shawn. I was so worried about her and at the same time the 2 kids were a handful. They mostly played well together though. The pic is of them painting racecars... :) Luckily, Brittany turned out to be OKAY and it was such a huge releif. Other than that scare, it was a great party.

One of the things me and Randy did for Kayden's birthday was paint Kayden's room. I am so proud of how it turned out. I tried to take pictures of it but the ones I took didn't do it justice AT ALL. The walls are half tourquoise and half a light greenish color. The theme is Finding Nemo. At the bottom, there is wallpaper at the bottom that looks like the bottom of the ocean. Big Finding Nemo fish stickers on the wall, a giant poster of that awesome turtle, and a border around the whole room with the pelicans on it. It looks really cool :) Big improvement over the plain white walls she used to have. :)

-

My grandparents best friend, Frances, died today. I almost started to cry and probably WILL cry over this eventually. She was a really sweet old lady. My grandparents used to go to a lot of senior groups with her and she would come over to my house with them every week after one of those groups. The think I remember most is how for a long time Kayden would never talk to her, and then one day all of a sudden she became very friendly with her. Frances was so happy about that.

This is a big loss for my grandparents because they were really close to her and the news came as a shock. Finding out she died made me think how much I really need to make the most of the time I have left with my grandparents. I know they won't be around forever and it terrifies me. I called my other grandparents a few days ago and it made them really happy. I wish we had kept in closer touch the past few years and I want to visit them now more than ever. They want to meet Kayden and see me. Hopefully over Christmas break...

kayden-3

2006-11-08T03:07:01Z

kayden-3
Originally uploaded by satanzcarebear.

Kayden became a three year old on Saturday. We have been through so much in the past 3 years and I can't believe how fast time is flying. Today I kept thinking about the day she was born and how far we have come since then.

Kayden's first day at the Child Care Center ended up going really well. She was supposed to go for her 2nd day on monday, but I had to keep her home because she has a cold. Hopefully she will be well enough to go tomorrow! I really hope she can go and will have another really fun day there!

Our halloween was fun. Kayden dressed up as a witch and had a blast running from house to house. I was a little bit disapointed because I had to stay in most of the night studying, but I did get to go to a few houses with her. Randy took her to many more houses while I studied and passed out candy. When they came back, seeing Kayden's happy face was the best. She laid out all her candy and looked at it, like most kids do. Of course, I ended up eating like 90 percent of it :P

Ahhhh, still can't believe my baby is THREE.

pisces_grrl @ 2006-11-01T15:39:00

2006-11-01T19:39:55Z

Today is Kayden's first day at the Child care center. I dropped her off there at about 9 in the morning, and Randy is gunna pick her up around 5 because I have class till 8. I wonder how she'll do, and if she'll be happy there...

pisces_grrl @ 2006-10-18T13:31:00

2006-10-18T17:44:29Z

Been buuuuuuusy the past few days. On Saturday night went to see Loving Annabelle at the Reel Pride film festival in Royal Oak. Then on Sunday we went to Cedar Point. I had a lot of fun, even without going on any Rollarcoasaters. There is a lot of rides for kids and seeing Kayden's face light up on every ride was amazing. ALSO Kayden did a lot of dancing on the snoopy stage and even sang the ABC's w/the microphone.

Since I was so busy on the weekend, I didn't get much studying done. I studied non-stop Monday and Tuesday for my 2 exams and now I am so relieved to have them over with. I can't wait to get home and spend the next few days chillin' with my Kayden. I am missing her so much.

Single motherhood

2006-10-13T13:50:33Z

I always hear that you have to find yourself before finding someone to spend your life with, or that you have to be happy single before you can be truly happy in a relationship. That is exactly how I feel. Right now I really need to be on my own with Kayden, I need to feel more self sufficient and confident, I need to figure out what I value in life and where my life is headed.

Even though I know this is what I need at this point in my life, it can be really overwhelming and hard to accept. I've never really felt like a single mom, other than when I was pregnant. Now, I need to not only recognise myself as a single mom, but also to be damn proud of that.

Maybe I'll write more later, but I need to get going..

September 079

2006-09-26T13:55:18Z

September 079
Originally uploaded by satanzcarebear.

On Saturday we went to the Cider Mill. It was a lot of fun but we couldn't stay long because it started pouring rain! I am glad we got a picture in front of the sign before it started raining because we take this picture every year :)

I love fall. There are so many events coming up that I am excited about : familypalooza, family day at EMU, the gay film festival, etc. Plus halloween and Cider Mills, haunted houses, halloweekends at Cedar Points, and my girlfriend might even be 'dragging' me to california for a weekend. ;)

pisces_grrl @ 2006-09-25T16:52:00

2006-09-25T21:02:43Z

I came to school today to find out that my teacher is sick, and both of my classes for the day were cancled. That put me in a pretty good mood, because I was enjoying the whether and got to spend some extra time with Randy.

Later I had an appointment at the Psychology clinic and ever since then I have felt sooo down. I try so hard to focus on what makes me happy while ignoring my problems, so I guess talking about all the issues in my life made me feel depressed again. It is OK, though. I really want to stick out therapy because I know it will ultimately be good for me. Usually I stop going after a few sessions because I start to feel better and become unsure of what to talk about, but this time will be different. I am going to put a lot into my therapy so that I can get a lot out of it.

I am extreeeeeemely tired. Hopefully Randy will help me watch Kayden and I can take a NAP... i'm hoping...

School just 3 days a week

2006-09-21T15:51:36Z

After 3 days of barely seeing Kayden at all, I am SO SO happy to be at home spending the day with her.

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day! =)

2006-09-19T14:06:30Z

ARRRRRRRRR!! Apparently, today is "Talk Like a Pirate Day" and we were actually thinking about being pirates for halloween. I guess this will give me some practice... =)

Speaking of talking, we are learning to stutter in our stuttering class. I stuttered (on purpose) for the FIRST time in class yesterday, and eventually we will have to practice stuttering in public. The main point of this is to get a better understanding of what people who stutter go through every day, and become comfortable with stuttering in general.

A few minutes ago, I was practicing my stutter and it is so interesting how when you put so much tention and effort into the way you talk, all these secondary charateristics naturally follow. Eye blinks, head jerks, etc.

The whole topic of stuttering is really facinating and complex. The fact that we need to practice stuttering in public really scares me, and I can only imagine what someone who stutters is actually going through. I am glad we are pushed to step out of our comfort zone, and I am glad we are getting the opportunity to become more comfortable with stuttering in general.

yep.

It makes sense to me..

2006-09-19T03:04:35Z

I want to be sleeping right now but I am having trouble quieting my mind. I wish I could express everything I feel inside, but it's just not coming out right. I keep typing sentences and then erasing them. The best I can do for now is to go with writing the analogy that keeps popping into my head, although i'm not sure if it will make sense or not when I write it out..

Life right now feels like a jigsaw puzzle that's been thrown up into the air. Because I am anxious, I am trying to fit peices of the puzzle together that may not even belong together. I am still waiting for the remaining peices to fall, which requires patience. I suspect that some pieces of the puzzle are missing and can never be replaced.

Life at this stage of my life is a confusing mess, but I am moving on. I won't give up. All I can do is hope that some day, all the tiny peices of the puzzle will come together in a way that I am happy with.

Each day I do little things that I feel will enhance my life. I am trying to let fewer opportunities pass me by. The more opportunites I explore, the more equipt I will be to finish that puzzle.

goodnight

pisces_grrl @ 2006-09-14T13:05:00

2006-09-14T17:05:50Z

Kayden is sick and sounds like a frog.

pisces_grrl @ 2006-09-12T15:48:00

2006-09-12T19:54:28Z

I checked out my e-mail and found out we had class today. I was not in the mood to go AT ALL, but in a way I am glad because at least it got me out of the house. Luckily, I only had one class (Intro to Audiology) but tomorrow I will be at school from 11:30 - 8 :10.

I like school because it gives me a break... There are days when I have SO much fun with Kayden and I think I would want to stay home all the time, and other days where I know I would go crazy. Today was one of those days where I would go crazy...

So yay for school and speech pathology :P

weekend

2006-09-12T14:44:46Z

On Saturday, me and Kayden went to the Zoo with my grandma and aunt Jennette. The whether wasn't the greatest, we got majorly lost trying to find it, and we missed the special event that was going on... BUT, we had a nice time anyway. It was really good to see my Aunt because we barely ever see each other and I really missed her.

On our way back from the Zoo, my grandma and I made a whole bunch of stops around my hometown while Kayden slept soundly in the back seat. We drove by my old Elementary school and I saw that the big wooden playground was replaced with a regular plastic one. It made me feel a little bit sad because the wooden one was built when I was in third grade and a lot of the parents helped build it...including my dad.

In front of the middle school, there is a tree planted in memory of my brother and sister. Since the time that it was planted, it has turned into a beautiful memorial garden with all kinds of michigan plants/flowers and even a big waterfall. This was my first time seeing it and it REALLY touched my heart. I almost started crying... and I think I am about to cry now... but just seeing that my brother and sister are honored that way really means a lot to me. I love the garden and I want to visit it again this year because it is just soo nice there.

We also stopped by my family's grave site, and drove through my old neighborhood. The best part of the day was that we ended up stopping at my sister's best friends house. It was interesting seeing them as teenagers and we got to have a few laughs about the old days. I always wonder what Megan would be like if she were alive now...16 years old... she was only 11 when she died...and I think seeing her friends grown up was good for my healing. On the way back to my grandma's house I was thinking that even though I always wonder about what she would have been like now and as an adult, she will always just be the 11 year old girl I remember her as. I guess I am OK with that, even though I miss her terribly.

After all the emotions of visiting all those places, I decided to just spend the night at my grandma's house. We went to chuch with them the next morning and Kayden had fun in her Sunday school class. After chuch we finally came home, and just enjoyed the night.

My professors are still on strike, so on Monday I decided to make the most out of my day. I took Kayden to the library where there were a lot of other kids for her to play with. It was nice to see her introducing herself to other kids and wanting to socialize. She is sooo ready for preschool..

After that we went to the store and got some bubbles, play doh and chalk. Kayden fell asleep in the car but after she woke up she had fun using them with the neighbor kids. :)

I am not sure what we'll do today but I am just going to enjoy my time. Hopefully school will start soon because I don't want us to fall too behind...

pisces_grrl @ 2006-09-09T00:18:00

2006-09-09T04:24:54Z

Wow, it's late. After I update here, I am going to read a few pages in my Language and Communication in Children textbook and go to bed. I had the worst headache today from being so tired but for some reason it didn't effect me too much and I didn't feel the overwhelming need to take a nap. Cool.

I was having fun giving Kayden a bath a couple hours ago when I saw poop floating around. :/ I asked her if she pooped, and she said no. I told her I think it was a ghost and she agreed with my theory. I had to clean up that mess (not too fun) and get her back in the tub to wash her hair. Then we cuddled and read a story and she nursed to sleep in 30 seconds. I <3 bedtime...

Tomorrow=Zoo.